Civil Disobedience for the New Homeowner

Some perks of my first-home blog: a) giving some future homeowner a what-to-do/what-not-to-do narrative; b) telling people what a swell place Euclid is to live; and c) posterity.

GNFH keeps me in touch with faraway friends and family who can check on the Neil-and-Gina drama as it unfolds in all its gory detail. And Neil doesn’t have to listen to me retell each gory detail three times a day.

Blogging also makes for good therapy, as illustrated in my last post.

One drawback to the blog: mom reading and accordingly getting mad at the previous post. You knew it was going to happen. What’s a new-homeowning daughter to do?

Should you find yourself faced with a similarly gory situation, follow these rules to make it out alive.

Five Simple Rules for the Hosting New Homeowner

1. Make your guests feel welcomed. Cook them dinner, walk their dogs, offer to carpool to work. Nothing beats a gracious host.
   
2. Accept full responsibility from the get-go. If it’s your family, claiming immediate responsibility with your co-owner or spouse not only assures things will go wrong, but that you’re point person for the certain fall out.
3. Don’t let the extra stuff bother you. Truth is something like 99 percent of Americans live in houses too big for them. You really don’t need all that space anyway.
4. Be more utilitarian. Use your packed boxes to fashion walls, tables and forts. In other words, "make lemonade."
   
5. Smile. You’re only going to survive this reality series if you act like it’s perfectly normal.
   

Five Simple Rules for the Happy House Guest

1. Make your hosts feel welcomed. Appear happy to see them, clean up after your dogs, say hello when your hosts come home from work. Nothing beats a grateful guest.
2. Respect their schedules. It’s simple: if someone is sleeping, don’t slam doors and don’t use the blender.
3. Encourage fellow guests to be courteous too. Enough said.
4. Offer a helping hand. If you see your hosts struggling to stack couches in a crowded room or fashion walls and forts out of boxes, see if they need help accommodating the clutter. It’s rude to just watch and sigh.
5. Smile. Nobody likes a bad attitude. Especially not your hosts.
   

OK, perhaps it’s a little more troublemaking there. Anyone who knows me, though, knows I love my mother, my family, and that I think we should all do good by our families. Thick or thin.

But if venting about surviving the live-in makes me some kind of sleaze from the Dark Side, then call me Darth Maul.

And, while you’re at it, call me human.